Monday, January 13, 2014

What Dating Is Like For Bi Men, Guest Blog from Shades of Grey

Are women interested in Bisexual men?

I've recently noticed that the question, "Are there women who are interested or willing to date bisexual men?", is being asked quite a bit online.  Literally, I found this question in three different groups and on one friends Facebook wall.  The following is my response to one of the four posts.

I was pleasantly surprised when I came out to women. I had worried that there would be no one who would want me, but I found out that many women were attracted to me because of my courage, AND what they saw as an opportunity to be with a man who was operating without the traditional baggage str8 men bring to relationships. The down side were the women who just wanted to have freaky sex with me, because they thought it would be somehow "different" or kinky to be with a bisexual man.

I've watched attitudes about bisexual men change over time and then change again. They are changing now. The internet has been a huge contributor to that change. Yes, there is stigma. Yes, there are some women who are loudly anti-bisexual men. The thing about it though, is, if I had never gotten honest with the women I desired, I never would've found the ones who desired me.

Its natural for people, str8, gay or otherwise, to want to have as large a pool of sexual options as possible. By being honest, in either direction, we reduce our "imagined" options. I say "imagined" because we like to "think" we can be with anyone, as long as they don't know the "dirt" on us. Its not true...that's a fantasy. Everyone doesn't want any one person, no matter how beautiful and attractive they might seem to us. There is always someone who will reject us. For me, being honest is an acceptance of that...it is a pre-emptive strike that weeds out the ones who are "definitely" not an option. It leaves ONLY the potentials and the ones who will at least respect me for who I am.

The world looks different when we are surrounded by people who KNOW us, Love us, and embrace us...for us.

Hiding the truth keeps us separate from the ones who are waiting to love us. It keeps us in the fear that worries about things that haven't happened. It keeps us asking, without end, what if, what if?

There are actually women who do "seek" out bisexual men...there are more women who are "available" and "willing" to date an intriguingly honest and interesting man who happens to be bisexual.

I understand what its like to love women, to find it easy to date men, and not want to "risk" losing forever the connection to women over a label. I'm in a relationship and still find myself surrounded by women who either date bi men or are willing to consider dating bi men.

Times ARE changing. Even understanding of who is bisexual amongst women is changing. Women who are bi for their male partners or who are non-reciprocating pillow princesses for oral are being scrutinized for their deeper motivations. There are people with various levels of maturity outside of and within the bisexual spectrum. Making ourselves accessible to the ones who are grown enough to relate to us first requires our own willingness to value our true selves more than we value others attention and validation. It doesn't mean giving up our "privacy"...but it does mean giving up some of our "secrecy". One does not have to be a flag waving, parade marching, activist to be true to oneself and inner circle...but one has to embrace the fullness of ones being to shine bright enough to "attract" the ones we seek.

That's my truth....

For more check out the A. Shade Grey Blog